The End that was A Beginning

Who would have thought that things could still blossom after turning so bleak? I had just quit from my job to take care of my responsibilities at home. However, this was not what I had envisioned. I had hoped that our house help, who seemed quite reliable, would stay and I would be able to continue with my job. We had certain goals in mind that my husband and I wanted to achieve, but now, they came down crashing.

It was not that I was not happy about having to stay at home to fulfill my responsibilities, but I also had some dreams for myself, my future. We had tried quite hard to make things work, and yet all was in vain. To be honest, I had gratitude and grumpiness brewing together inside of me. I was not sure what future held in store for me, and I did not even want to focus on it. I had been told that getting jobs were not that easy.

I had finally settled back in. Life was going on. However, God sure was working in the background. Things worked in a way that I got an opportunity of working from home. I started the balancing act. I did face a lot of struggles on the way.

Fast forward to now, almost eleven years later, I am still working from home. One would think that now I must be finally happy, and I am. I got a job and was able to retain it as well. I did take baby steps in trying to achieve what I wanted, but I am still far away from my destination. However, I am at least far ahead from where I was a decade ago.

I often ponder whether the setback (or death of a dream) back then worked in my favor or not. Frankly, I do not have a definite answer. I cannot say a strong yes or no to that question. I am definitely happy of where and how far I have come, but at the same time, I also sometimes wonder where I could have been. I still have questions about was my quitting a wise decision. I often feel that I did not fully accomplish what I had quit my job for, and that to me seems like a waste of my time, effort and energy. I also have a sinking feeling thinking that umpteen women have been able to balance it all, and I could not — I failed! I am still yet to see and hear that my staying at home did some good.

In contemplation, life is like that. You can never have it all. You shine in one area, but falter in another one. None of us can boast about achieving everything in every area, but we can notice and celebrate our wins, no matter how small they are. Though I could have done certain things differently and handled them better, but there is no point of living in that regret. I struggled, I fell down, I got up and I moved forward, and that is what matters. You win some, you lose some, and that is the essence of life. You have to move on, and that is what I will keep doing and striving for. Moreover, if and when I stop, that would be the real death.

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Janet Das

Janet Das

A mom, reader, writer, thinker and learner, I have learnt some of my best lessons by failing due to which, I now have a passion to learn new things.